That's when you crack a 10am beer
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
