do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
