do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
