are you still at the devil's house?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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