To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
