I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
