He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
