Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
