One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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