your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
