i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
