I am puke
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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