What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
