summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
