I think I won the penis lottery.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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