Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
