my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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