Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i need some magic done to my vagina
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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