Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
