im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
