i just wanna soil my oats bro
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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