I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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