Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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