i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
