So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
