fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
