apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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