hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
