There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
