swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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