If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
