Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
