He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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