the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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