He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
