Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
