Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
