i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
