The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I am naked and annoyed.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
