I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
