Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
