Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
