wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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