Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just found puke in my bra..
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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