bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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