I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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