PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
