we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
