so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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