no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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