Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
