I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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